Blog

    Every bride and groom want their wedding to be beautiful, uniquely special, moving, and full of joy for everyone. Since weddings are public events, generally, couples are very aware that their dear families and closest friends will be there to celebrate with them and support them as they take the big step. This also can feel like pressure. No one wants to be embarrassed or disappointed by what happens that day, in front of everyone.

    So how can a couple marrying insure their special day will be a fabulous experience both for them and for all in attendance. Here are seven tips based on my 40 years experience officiating weddings for all kinds of couples.

    1)  Relax. While this can seem impossible, it isn’t. The key is remembering the main things: Focus on the meaning of what you’re doing above everything else. And remember your family and friends are all there because they love you and are genuinely happy for you no matter what.

    2) Choose Music and Musicians well.  While it’s tempting to just pick a friend or relative to play or sing just because you love them, don’t. Music is really important. If it’s mediocre or just plain bad, your wedding will feel mediocre or poor to attendees. If the music is gorgeous and beautiful, it will make everything else you do in the ceremony seem twice as significant. So chose well, and don’t be afraid to pay for it.

    3) Pick an excellent person to officiate. Today, many states allow anyone to officiate a marriage. Nothing wrong with this, but picking a relative or friend who has no experience can sometimes backfire. You imagined how meaningful it would be to have this dear one leading your ceremony, and it may be. But its a gamble. Often this person feels ill-prepared, pressured, or is over-confident about their abilities. They can go on and on, making everyone uncomfortable. They can, in an effort to lighten things up, use inappropriate humor and embarrass you. Or they can simply be boring. Better to choose a trained and experienced person for what is one of the most important events in your life.

    4) Write a letter to each other. The week or so before the wedding, write a letter to each other telling your spouse-to-be why you want to marry her or him. List the things you truly appreciate about your relationship. Share the qualities in your dear one that you are deeply grateful for. Share a dream you have for the family you’re forming. Then let the one officiating select things from the letters to share at the wedding. It will make the message so personal, and you’ll have everyone listening with both ears.

    5) Keep the actually ceremony light but dignified. If you can relax during the wedding, smile, and laugh at funny things that just naturally happen often at weddings, everyone else will relax, too. But don’t force humor, avoid doing stupid things like making weird faces and saying dumb things to the attendees – you’ll look ridiculous, and destroy the beauty of the moment for many. [guys, this means you!]

    6) Involve those who attend. There are some simple ways you can have people attending show their love and support. You might have the parents stand while the person officiating says words that honor their support, guidance and love for you through the years. You might include a question to the whole gathering, like: ‘This couple is so grateful for your presence here on their special day, and they genuinely desire your blessing as they marry. Will you celebrate the step of love and faith they are taking, wish them every blessing, and support them with your prayers and best wishes as they begin their life together? Then say, WE WILL!’ 

    7) Celebrate your faith. Promising to give and receive your love and your whole selves in a common life for all of life is a big faith step. Have the person officiating note that, speak about the perfect love of God, and the promise that this divine love will strengthen your love and support you as you face the inevitable challenges of marriage in a stressful world. Whether people are religious or not, everyone is spiritual at some level, and talking about that love which is higher than human love and is eternal will speak powerfully to all who are present. If you are Christian, don’t be afraid to have that lifted up and celebrated as you add Christ’s love to your own, in the mysterious union you share in him as husband and wife.

     I know a wedding can be giant stressor as well as humongous source of joy. So back to step one – relax! Enjoy it. It will fly by. Don’t miss your own wedding due to anxiety and stress. Focus on the joy you have in each other, the gift of the people gathered ’round you, and the actual amazing marriage journey you are beginning together – a journey marked by the very best gifts available in life – faith, hope, and love.  And, of course, the greatest of these is . . . love!